I am writing this today, September 25, 2008, but probably won't post it for another month or so.. you'll see why as you read on.
Most people know that I have always wanted all of my kids close together. A lot of people wrongly assume that my kids were an accident or say thoughtless comments like, "The first three years will be hell for you." (yes, some woman in the store said that to me) If that's the truth, then I am going to have it so easy for the rest of their lives. I love having my kids close and wouldn't have it any other way.
When Andi was about 10 or 11 months old we thought that we should probably start trying for baby #3. That seemed like good timing. When we didn't get pregnant the first month, I wasn't surprised, but I was surprised. My other two babies I conceived a month or two before we even started "trying." But, it's to be expected that it might take my cycle a couple of months to even out after having nursed for eleven months and being on birth control. Alright, it's bound to happen month two. It didn't. Not months three, four, or five, either. Then at the beginning of September I told Jefferson that this was the month, I could feel it. Then, much to my dismay, not only did my period come, it came a week early! And not only did it come a week early and smash all my hopes of pregnancy, it came for 21 days straight!! That is no lie. Not only was I bleeding, but I was tired, emotional, nauseous and my face was breaking out like crazy. I called my OB wondering if 21 days of bleeding was normal. I had recently had a pap smear and they weren't too worried, thinking it was probably just some funky way my body was evening out. Finally that nightmare of a period ended. Ok, now I thought we could try ovulation tests to figure out my cycle the next month. I didn't even have time to say "ovulation predictor kit" before I started my period again, exactly one week after my 21 day marathon period ended. Now I was really ticked.
I called my OB to explain what had happened and they wanted me to come in and get some blood work. Specifically a pregnancy test because they thought I was probably having a miscarriage. I got my blood drawn and they promptly called about 15 hours later to tell me they wanted me in for an ultrasound, because indeed, my pregnancy hormone was high. That was this morning. I took Jefferson and the kids home from running errands and headed straight to the doctor's office.
I guess the thought that I might be pregnant hung around somewhere in the deepest recesses of my mind because I bled a full cycle with Carter, but really, with the amount of bleeding I was having, I was fully braced for a miscarriage. They did an internal exam and the ultrasound tech said, "Here's your uterus." And I see a big black hole in it, and I start thinking that I recognize that.... And then she said, "And this is what we see when someone is pregnant... the yoke sack." There it was, then she zoomed in on it, and there was a little rhythmic pulse, "And there is the heartbeat.... yup, sounds perfect." After looking at a bunch of different angles and checking out my ovaries, she said everything looks perfect and my baby's little heartbeat is perfect. I just had a few tears run down my cheek. I asked if I shouldn't get my hopes up because I was bleeding so much and she did admit that until the first trimester is over, there is always a higher risk of miscarriage, but she said everything looks great and congratulated me. I could not believe it!!! I am pregnant!!! 7 weeks 4 days along, due May 10, 2009.
I am already so in love with my baby, who is the size of a blueberry. We are calling him/her "beebee" (for baby and blueberry). Jefferson has been waiting on me hand and foot and calling me his "preggers." I love it. Jefferson and Carter went out and got a pizza so I wouldn't have to cook tonight. When they got back I heard a little knock at the door and went to unlock it for Carter. I opened it up, and there stood my little two year old holding a big bouquet of beautiful fall flowers and he said, "Congratulations mama." It was so tender. I think I may cry right now just writing about it.
I have been researching "first trimester bleeding" on the internet all night so that my eyes feel like they are going to shrivel up and fall out of their sockets. Truth be told, there is nothing that I can do if I miscarry. I am having some cramping tonight and am just holding my breath and praying that this baby is ok. I am also trying to prepare myself in case something does go awry. What I want to do is forget about all the bleeding I am having and rest easy knowing that my little body is making another human life. I am trying to be optimistic that things will be ok. But that's why I am holding on to my little secret a little longer. I just want to get into safer ground before I share our big announcement. But I am screaming it from the rooftops tonight: I am pregnant with another child!!
