Saturday, September 27, 2008

I am posting this blog first before the one under it. You'll know the end from the beginning, so there is no surprise, but I didn't want anyone to get excited if they read the second post first... does that makes sense? It will if you read on. Sorry this is a bit graphic and a bit personal.

I had a miscarriage. I miscarried 7 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant, saw my baby on the monitor and saw his heartbeat the same day I miscarried. It felt like a big joke that I would find out and see my baby and see that everything was "okay" and then to have all my hopes and excitement crushed that very same evening.

The pregnancy wasn't right from the get go. The post below explains all that. When I started having some heavy cramping that night and even more bleeding, I looked at Jefferson and said, "This can't be a good sign." Sure enough I miscarried (or whatever the correct term is) just a few hours later. Everything was still perfectly in tact. The placenta was whole and we could see our little blueberry of a baby, arms and all. I was surprised at the level of emotions I felt. I thought I was pretty prepared for a miscarriage. I had a good long sob for a few hours that night. Jefferson was very good with just holding me and letting me cry. 

I got teary quite a few times the next day, but feel better about it every day. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and our little family. Thank you for those who already know and have been so kind and loving. Next time around.

7 comments:

Ie Li said...

Dani, I just love you so much and I will pray for you in this difficult time. You're such a good mother and woman. Please take care.

Love,
Ie Li

Julie said...

Dani, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. You're so lucky to know of Heavenly Father's plan and to have a husband who's so supportive to help you get through this hard time. Isn't it funny how a mother can love her baby so much...even if it is only a "blueberry"? You're such a good Mom and will see this baby again.

The McClellan Family said...

Dani - I read the second one first because I obviously don't follow the rules - you are amazing. From all that I read about your motherhood experiences I know I have alot to learn from you. You, your baby, family and all your babies to come are in our prayers.

Hayley Hatch said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you and praying that you find peace. Remember that you are an amazing wife, mama and friend!

Sumo @ Sumo's Sweet Stuff said...

PP...I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for what you have gone through. I know it is difficult, and that you love that baby from the second you know it exists, regardless of what size it is. I'm sorry that you had to have this trial, but I know that you will choose to learn from it. It is so comforting to know that Heavenly Father knows us, and has a plan for us. You know I'm only a phone call away if you want or need to talk, cry, scream - whatever!

Love you!

Dyan said...

It's so hard when the thing we care about most in life, motherhood, is the very thing where we find our greatest trials. It just hurts. Keep as strong as you can. Between all of us that love and care for you and our Heavenly Father, I know you'll find peace...and go on to be blessed with a few other happy, healthy babies!

Miche said...

It was so good to talk to you today. You are an amazing woman and I have always looked up to you! You are such a great mom and have amazing kids to show for it! Hang in there. I am praying for you!