Fifth and final.

February 9, 2012

I am pregnant….again. At least I think, and kind of hope I am. It has been a strange beginning. I had a miscarriage in December and though I wasn’t super excited to find out that I was pregnant that month, I was still pretty sad when I miscarried. Then in January, I had my period right on time, but it was really, really light. Not to be graphic, but not even a tampon a day light. Towards the end of my period I noticed that I had been ridiculously tired, even though I was getting plenty of sleep and eating well and working out regularly. Jefferson asked if I needed to take a pregnancy test, and I reminded him that I was on my period. But then I remembered I had bled through my first month when I was pregnant with Carter. Finally, a couple of days after my period had stopped I decided to take a pregnancy test, it was Tuesday, January 24^th. It came back positive. The first words out of my mouth: “Oh boy.” I was hesitantly excited. Hesitantly because it wasn’t exactly the timing I was thinking of, I just had a miscarriage a month before, and I just had a period; wasn't sure if that bode well. I am kind of a planner, and have always thought that baby #5 would be our last, so I had an idea of how I wanted my last pregnancy to go so that I could savor it and enjoy everything about it. It hasn’t quite started that way, for the reasons listed above and because I have spotted a few times since then. My first OB appointment is next week and I can’t wait to go and make sure everything is okay and breathe a little easier and start to enjoy this baby who will probably be our last. So far I have not been feeling great in the morning. No throwing up (yet), knock on wood, but so nauseous I can’t eat until about 10 or so. I don’t really know if I believe in cravings, but certain things just sound better than others at certain times. We went to A&W and everything sounded vomitrocious except cheese curds, really? Also, I have had three Mcdoubles in the last week. Kind of gross, I know, but they are about the only thing that sounds good around lunchtime. Dinner usually sounds good until I am about half way through and then I am usually done with it. If I have to chew anything too long (including my gummy prenatal vitamin) I just can’t do it, it will come back out of my mouth. We went out to eat with my family in Utah at Chili’s and I was eating a delicious burger and about half way through I had to spit out a couple of bites into my napkin and that was the end of it. I hope nobody noticed. Even though this is not exactly the timing of when I thought I would be pregnant, I feel so incredibly blessed to be pregnant again. I am reminded that we don’t get to pick and choose the timing of our babies and I appreciate when our babies are surprises, because it assures me that Heavenly Father sent them when they are supposed to come. And as I see family members and friends struggle with infertility, I can't feel anything but blessed that I have not had that struggle to deal with. We do feel so lucky that we get to have another little Harmon baby enter our home!

Thursday, February 16th

I had my first doctor's appointment today. I told my midwife all about my weird periods and miscarriage and all that. And lucky me, it earned me an ultrasound! Up until the moment of the ultrasound I was so hesitant about everything, thinking that there was a possibility that there was no baby, or that something was wrong. Right away a little baby popped up on that screen and I could see his/her little heart beat. That was the moment that I fell in love with this baby. That was the first moment I let myself be excited about this baby. I jokingly told the ultrasound tech that I would pay her if she could tell me it was a boy (obviously joking since it is so early). She said she would see what she could do. Right after she started the ultrasound she said, "Well, there's only one baby." And I then told her that was even better news than a boy. Everything looks good so far. My due date is September 22nd. On the drive home I was just so happy and teary, feeling so blessed and like I said, for the first time, excited. This is really happening. :)

As for me, I have been feeling about the same. Not really nauseous anymore, but so tired still! I think I get more exhausted with each pregnancy. Maybe it's the other little ones running around... Soda really never sounds good. I know, no Diet Coke? Crazy! Unsweetened cereal always sounds good. I usually have at least one bowl of Cheerios a day, and frequently a bowl of Corn Chex too. I can tell my belly is starting to pooch out a little, but hopefully not noticeably so yet.

March 20th

A few things... I am 13.5 weeks along and we are mailing out pictures to all of our family to let them know we are expecting. I am excited to let the cat out of the bag. We finally told our kids last night. They were really excited. Carter immediately said he wanted a brother. I would be fine with that. :)

I am so glad to be out of those first 10 weeks. I found myself thinking to myself a lot, "I am so glad this is my last pregnancy," and "Why did I think I liked being pregnant again?" And I wasn't even sick, just really, really, really, debilitatingly tired. (like my word?) I feel like myself again.

I can now drink Diet Coke again, though I haven't been drinking a whole ton of it. I have had a lot of Cesar salads. It always sounds good. I buy one of those kits at the store at least a couple of times a week. Also, anything gummy, but particularly sour gummy straws. Yum. I can eat anything now, but even up until a couple of weeks ago I would have to stop eating in the middle of dinner if it took too long to chew something or if the chicken was even a little dry. I'm glad I'm over all that.

I'm looking a little more pregnant every day. Perhaps not noticeably so to anybody else, but when I lay down flat I can feel a tiny bump, and if I lay on my stomach I can feel the pooch. I think I just wore my dark skinny jeans last night for the last time in a long time. :)

March 25, 2012

We finally announced to the world that we are pregnant. It was fun to tell everyone and hear everyone's reactions. I was talking to my Mom almost two weeks ago and she flat out asked if I was pregnant. I lied of course, and she said she's just been having these little feelings that I am, so that if I wasn't pregnant, she informed me, that I would be soon. How did she know?

Of course everyone says congratulations, but I am wondering what they are secretly thinking. I don't care, mind you, but with some people I would love to hear their inner dialogue. "They are so crazy." "She can't even handle the four she's got." etc, etc.

I know that we were meant to have one more baby. I feel about 99.9% confident that this is our last. I also know, that had we not had our kids so close together (not necessarily by design), that we may not have had all of them. The older they and I get, the more my logical, rational brain yells at me. "How are you going to afford these kids?" The answer is, I don't know. "Are you really going to do the baby stage again?" The answer is, yes, one more time. If I ever got too far out of that baby stage and diapers and naps and diaper bags and baby food, there would be no going back. Hence, five kids in 6 1/2 years (+ 2 miscarriages = 7 pregnancies in 6 years)

I am sure so many people, even maybe some of you who read our blog, think that we are absolutely nuts, and I agree, but I know it's going to be awesome having five kids. My kids are so amazing and truly well behaved. They have kind spirits and are so excited for another sibling. I have a husband who loves having children with me. He is so good at being aware of each of our kids and allotting time to each of them. And, if Heavenly Father sent them to us, and we're doing all we can on our part, He will provide. I know it.